Here are a few "Paraprosdokians" to throw in to surprise your reader or listener.
"Paraprosdokians" are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous and Shocking or Needed.
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.(Example of Shocking when spoken during a "Mad At You" conversation)
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.(GOT A TEENAGER??Try this one on them)
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit . . . Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.(USE IN A LETTER WHEN NEEDED) Remember this one.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy .
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.(Save this one for "Deer Camp", when the drinks are flowing briskly)
15. Going to CHURCH doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a CAR REPAIR SHOP makes you a mechanic.(Use this one during a conversation about religion)
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
18. And the favorite of "The Chinook Sage" Keep smiling, they'll all wonder what you have been up to.
Sage Advice:
The eastern world is going insane, people cutting off heads and burning people alive. Don't let it get to you. Keep the faith that a higher power will intervene.
While you wait, do what I do. I sit in front of the TV with a Canadian Club Manhattan in a long stem glass cussen at the darn thing knowing that right now we are helpless knowing if God don't intervene, we can all vote this November to add enough Republican Senators to override ANY veto from our president to make him unable to veto legislation passed that represents the will of the people. Then when he is out of office we can elect a president like Regan to kick the you know what out of those who kill the innocents. ( DON'T WORRY)If they dare to come here they will find that on top of the army,navy,marines and coast guard,America,thanks to our second amendment, can field a two
million man civilian army armed with our own guns and ammunition if called to duty. There are many many millions of MRE'S --"Meals Ready To Eat" in storage across the whole country just incase they are needed.