Avoidance is an important survival strategy for all people. Most of us have learned how to use avoidance to stay out of trouble! The Bible cautions: "Avoid every kind of evil" (1 Thessalonians 5:22); "avoid sexual immorality" (1 Thessalonians 4:3); "avoid godless chatter" (2 Timothy 2:16). One of our old hymns warns, "avoid evil companions." In addition, most of us try to avoid pain, accidents, taxes, late charges, and overdrawn checking accounts. He or she who can avoid can live well.
Though avoidance does have its good side, people who accomplish much in life are masters at courage, understanding, and accommodation. They know how to "face the music"! Avoidance can backfire; it can become ignoble rather than noble. Galatians 6:12 tells of people who do things to make a good outward impression; it says, "the only reason they do this is to avoid being persecuted." Psalms 38:11 tells of "friends and companions who avoid me because of my wounds; my neighbors stay far away." Lying is, of course, still another form of avoidance.
While the Bible does say "avoid foolish controversies" (Titus 3:9), it doesn't say to avoid controversies. We all know that when left to our own judgement, "foolish" can become anything with which we disagree! The "evil companions" of our hymn often become those who are not as "enlightened" as we are.
Yes, avoidance can backfire! We are often surprised when we learn of the divorce of couples with long marriages. Things weren't really that bad, we say; they really got along quite well --what happened? Unfortunately, life can become so busy for couples, that disagreement, controversy, and conflict are most easily managed by avoidance. So long as each pursues his or her own interests, and successfully stays out of the other's way, all is well. And it is; that is, until the couple discovers that avoidance has enabled them to build two separate individual worlds. Avoidance has allowed them to separate while hardly noticing it. Avoidance allowed them to build separate lives, then, one day they discover that neither fits into the other's world. They have avoided for so long that even when they do something together, they are not together. They're no trouble to each other; in fact, they're nothing to each other. Avoidance tends toward isolation.
Avoidance is not the best means of conflict resolution. The best advice may be to "avoid all extremes" (Eccles. 7:18). It's easy to shove things to the "back-burner;" yet, when we do they often end up going up in smoke. Avoidance may be a thing to avoid!