Seeing that the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, and they are getting free drinks,she moves forward to the last empty seat in first class. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in economy. The blonde replies, "I'm a famous model, and have never had this problem before. I'm going to sit here all the way, until we get to New York."
A beautiful young model boards a plane going to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seats in economy, and then looks into the forward cabin at the first-class seats.
Seeing that the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, and they are getting free drinks,she moves forward to the last empty seat in first class. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in economy. The blonde replies, "I'm a famous model, and have never had this problem before. I'm going to sit here all the way, until we get to New York." Let's talk about being a good parent and setting a good example:
Third grader Johnny talking to his dad - Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3' and I said "6" replies Johnny. "Yep", that's right!" dad replies. "Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What the Hell's the G.D. difference?" shouts the father. "That's what I said also and that's when she gave me the "F" Remember the famous Irish saying DAD. "THE APPLE DON'T FALL FAR FROM THE TREE" We All Were Home-Schooled
Yes, most of our generation 70+ were HOME SCHOOLED in so many ways: 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: To me and my brothers: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside, I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION: "You better pray that it will come out of the rug." 3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up and quit that stuff, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My father taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC: "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My father taught me IRONY: "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me to be a CONTORTIONIST: "Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You'll sit there until all that broccoli is gone." Golden Words By A Wise Man
1. "If you want to change the world, do it when you are a bachelor. After marriage, you can't even change a TV channel" 2. "Listening to a wife is like reading the terms and conditions of websites or disclaimers. You understand Nothing, still you agreed..." 3. "Chess is the only game in the world which reflects the true status of the husband. The poor King can take only one step at a time in any direction. While the mighty Queen can go whatever she likes and remove any opposition she meets until she meets another king. Lucky for him he usually is hiding behind and next to a strong defender. Have you had enough of Politics?
Here's what others said over the years… Check out what Plato wrote a thousand years ago! • Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar Ameringer, "the Mark Twain of American Socialism." • I offered my opponents a deal: "if they stop telling lies about me, I will stop telling the truth about them". ~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952. • A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. ~Texas Guinan (1884-1933) American business woman An old woman walked up and tied her old mule to the hitching post. As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and her clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, saying "Hey, old woman, have you ever danced?"
The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No ... I never did dance ... never really wanted to." A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old bag, you're gonna dance now," as he started shooting at the old woman's feet. The "SAGE" Will NEVER tell a DIRTY JOKE but sometimes he comes across one that is a bit RISQUE but still OK for Adult Readers. Here is one to be included in your next post to Aunt Nelly who is seven months along:
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk'. The question was worth 10 points for each correct answer. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote: 1) It is perfect formula for the child. 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3) It is always the right temperature. 4) It is inexpensive. 5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 6) It is always available as needed. And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote: 7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it. He got an A.+ A Sage Thank-You
We year round occupants of the mountain cabins on top of Ellenton Mountain, await the arrival of the folks whose cabins are for getting away from the city and rest or for trout or deer season. We permanent folks refer to all of them as, “The Cabin People”. On The Friday of Labor Day weekend the dogs started barking and there was “One Of Them”. She invited me to a dinner party at her cabin. I put on my best and never expected such a wonderful experience. I was treated to a complete four course dinner of things I never have eaten before and could not spell if you asked me to. Complete with fine wines and entertaining chat with the other five other guests Thank you, Mrs. Bobbie. Sage Sarcasm
A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear end two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just hate drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing." Love songs of many years ago told a story and you could understand the words. Are You Old Enough To Remember This One Sung By Ladies and Men At Parties around an upright piano All Over the Country In 1937. Later after WWII started and ladies were welcome in barrooms and joined their men in singing, it was a "Top Of The List" on the Radio
Why I Like Retirement !
• Question: How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday • Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch. • Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. • Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. Believe your dog
A little background about the mountain cabin I live in. It has well water from a drilled well. Only the facility in the bathroom drains into a septic system. All the rest drains from the sinks and the shower and the washing machine through the walls and by two inch white pipe at an angle directly on to the surrounding surface of the lawn. That way "Gray Water" is recycled back into the earth to be filtered and refilling the water tables supplying the well which is 149 feet below the earth's surface. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." The Sage has learned a lot as his life went by. How about YOU?
Age 5 - I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night." Age 7 - I've learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either. Age 9 -I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. Age 12 - I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again. Age 14 - I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. Age 15 - I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me. Age 24 - I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. Age 26 - I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures. Age 29 - I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there. Age 30 -I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. Age 35 - I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it. Six trivia questions to see how much history you really know.
Be honest; it's kind of fun and revealing. If you don't know the answer make your best guess. Answer all of the questions (no cheating) before looking at the answers. And, no, the answers to these questions aren't all Barack Obama. |
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